THE END……What Have I learned…

I not really sure what this impact have had on my life but I think it definitely changed the way my children’s going to look.

I came here high on life after I got the call from Mr.M that Monday 13 days before rockstar. I don’t think I told anybody that I applied a while before so it probably came as a shock to somebody “dad” around me. I don’t think that I’ve been more excited about anything in my life this was as cool as it would be.  I came here with the aspirations to become a dating coach then go to school a few months later. I was going to start up a form an e-commerce then stay behind in London just hitting the clubs and be sarging like crazy. I was on a high in life.

I don’t think I could have been more wrong of what to expect, I now know that not even the people organizing this “event” knew what was supposed to be the product of it.  It was crazy in the begin and I’m not surprised that one dropped out.

So am I disappointed at the experience that this has been. Absolutely not, this has been such a learning experienced that has open up my eyes for what’s possible for me in my life. Partially because the things we were taught and mostly because the people that I’ve met during the journey.

This was marketed as away to work and wealth, health and relationships. Well I took and threw the health part out of the window when it came down to choose what to do in the schedule that didn’t have room for anything. So with two things to focus on you might think that I would have time to work hard on them, but no. I don’t really remember anything the first weeks of rockstar so it’s going to be interesting to read the book and to go back on my blogposts.

WHAT HAVE I LEARNED THEN…

Game: Game is f*****n easy and fun. I have some kickass memories with the guys out hitting on women. We all came here as “ordinary” people not socially awkward and some beginner’s skill in game, we were all very different in the way we interacted with women and turned in to a cool crew of guys. I came in with a clunky outer game and poor inner game. My biggest problem with women was that I had no skills in how to create the emotional connection with woman. I had easier to pull same night lays and being sexual, which turned out to be a good skill in Vegas. I look back at what I’ve learned in all these classes and I can’t really remember. I now have a moleskine notebook full of notes that I need to goo trough and map out. But I know that I’m really good now. How can I do that if I can’t put my fingers on what I’ve learned? It’s more of a feeling inside of me, I’ve had more than enough of positive reference experience with women now to now that I’m good.  I don’t know if there is anything that scares me on a night with a roll probably, but I’ll most likely do it anyway.

What is that I feel? I would like to say that I feel more complete as a man of what I can do, I’m not controlled by my fears. I can run after a beautiful woman if I see her on the streets. I don’t have to wonder what if I did approach her. I came here with a desire to connect with women and not to sleep with as many as possible. I think I coming really close to my goal I’ve been seeing one girl now for little while and it’s a good and new feeling to hang out with her.  It has also removed my desire to go after absolutely everything with two legs and breast that’s hot. I don’t know why, but she told me I could go on as usual since I’m a part of rockstar. I have honestly tried to hit on other women but I don’t have any desire for the moment and I have now abounded the idea of me being a guy that would like multiple relationships.  I would actually give it a go if I was staying in London with this girl, but for now I just enjoy the good feeling she is giving me, who knows what can happen in the future. I now feel comfortable with the idea that I can build relationships with women. So I can’t say anything more than mission accomplished, and thanks to all the instructors and fellow rockstars that has been there for the journey.

Business: I have now started to think about life in completely different new angle of what is possible to do for a living. I come from a blue collar family where it’s taking pride to work for the system and being a part of society and pull your weight. Practically all my friends in my hometown are hard workers in some form, and so is my family. I never even thought in the terms that we have been talking about here in rockstar.  I had some small ideas but nothing this planned out, I now know where I’m going and what I’m setting out to do. I now know where to aim my energy thanks to fellow rockstar and now friend Aaron. He showed me what is possible in the world of online marketing and talked and inspired with his way of life. The more we talked the more I saw how I think it suits me as a worker, and I’m now setting out to hit my goals. I came here to e inspired and to learn new ways of making a living. I know that I can work the living shit out of my body and be pulling 80 workweeks in freezing cold snow and water whipping up on. I’m now 27 almost 28 years old and I can already feel how my body is going to fall apart due to damage I got from working my ass off for somebody else. I’m never going to back to way of life I was living before it’s just not a possibility in my reality. I know look for the feeling in this area of life as I have with women. It’s the feeling of you don’t care if you lose, you can always get more money/women. I GOT THIS SHIT HANDLED. It means that there is room for improvement but you know what you are doing. So get back to me in three months and we will see where I am. I will consider that my goal here is almost achieved as it changed so much during the path of rockstar, but I’m happy with the outcome of it.

Health: well I have had two home cooked meals since I entered rockstar, both of them thanks to my dear friend that I stayed with in Stockholm. So as you may imagine I’m not in any better shape than before I was rockstar. I made it an active choice to skip training and focus my time on other the other task since I got easy access to this since before.  I got a diet and workout schedule being taken care of as soon as I touch ground in my hometown anyway.

So what’s going to happen now, well I’m going to my home town until at least New Years Eve. My purpose is to too work in peace and quiet, since I’m really tired of the shitty living standard the London flats have to offer at staggering prices. I’m going back to Sweden as results in the debate where I would get the most work done. But I’ll be back out in the world really soon. The goal is to join the other Rockstar in mars to start a real rockstar mansion hitting it big in the states. Yes it will be revealed later but we’re all going to take our supernova to the max. Be sure to check out this blog later next year.

Instructorship: Do I still want to be an dating coach? Do I want to be a part of the community? The dreaded LSS!!! These are questions that I asked myself and I’m not as sure as I was eight weeks ago. First of all rockstar has been a lot of Approach coaching since it’s a good way to become good yourself and teaching others, a little bit too much in my taste. I didn’t really feel that competent in the beginning at first, I have now risen to the challenge and feel comfortable taking a newbie out and help him, I don’t enjoy it really today thouh.  I really need some time away before I can take a decision in if I want to peruse the goal of instructorship. Because what guys don’t get is you don’t get paid to go out and pick up women, you get paid to go out to hold grown man in the hand and tell them that the hot blonde over there won’t kill you when you tell her she looks good. I can and have approached instead of sending away student to women when I was AC’ing during rockstar and I don’t regret it. That’s how I had some of the most interesting interactions so far, and how I met some of the most interesting people around the world. I will make up my mind to New years eve if this is something I want to put my time and effort in. But in the meantime if you’re in Oslo at the end of this month 28th of Nov make sure to check out Day Game expert Jeremy Soul. He’s having one of his day game seminar and I will be there to help out.

But tanks to all the readers this has been super fun and I will get out of the community, at least for a while but you never know. I need to focus on other thing in my life right now.

The guys I would like to thanks for this awesome experience are:

Vishal (cya NYE)

Aaron, Alex, Josh (rockstar mansion Vegas is waiting for us)

Jeremy Soul (cya NYE and thnx for the time in STHLM)

Vercetti you big hug bear….

Keychain have to do some more day game shenanigans with you.

Dr. Yen my pc-muscle is growing every day thnx to you J

London Playboy thnx for the torture garden ticket.

All the instructor and business mentors that have been there and a part of this journey thanks for your contribution, 5.0, Sheriff, Jeff, Kunal, London wizard, Paladin, Alex Sargent and a few more. I hope to meet up with a lot of you guys again.

Last to be mentioned Mr.M you have had a huge impact on the way my life turned out, and you keep on having a huge influence in my life. A really hope I can show you my gratitude one day but for now SUCK IT.

And Adam I would like to percived as Suave, charming Swede with absolutely Dazzling smile so don’t fabricate anything.

Stay classy

-Micha

Ps. Sandra is a dork, but a cool one

Build the supernova

Days 50-51: A day in the life and the end

Monday
What a day. We started off at 2 in the afternoon with an NLP and coaching session with Thomas O’Duffy (http://www.lifechanging.ie/).

He gave us some very awesome advice, condensed from his years of studying NLP and psychology and human performance, and distilled into what he recognises as “the best of the best”.

What I like about his approach is that he recognises that a lot of people in the NLP community are actually pretty messed up – NLP promises a lot but most of the time it fails to deliver. And those that usually model certain members of the NLP community end up as messed up as those they follow. Sounding familiar? It’s almost like the seduction Community in some ways.

Thomas gave us two very powerful pieces to implement daily.

One is a ritual of four questions, to ask ourselves on a day-to-day basis. They are:

1. What have I appreciated and enjoyed the most in the past day?
2. What have I done really exquisitely?
3. How have I improved?
4. Based on today, how can I do things better tomorrow?

He also gave us the notion of a morning ritual, which is a concept from the book The Power of Full Engagement by Tony Schwartz. In case you are wondering, here is the morning ritual I will be using post-Rockstar. It is based on the morning ritual I used to have pre-Rockstar, and modified using insights I’ve learnt along the way:

1. Wake up.
2. Drink 500mL of water.
3. Steam and essential oils.
4. Exercise and stretches. Either 15min of cardio followed by stretching or a yoga routine. Vercetti’s posture, movement and vocal projection tuning ritual.
5. Yen’s PC muscle exercises.
6. Chi packing.
7. Get changed.
8. Morning shake (use a blender). This stuff is awesome. Ingredients: 1/2 pack frozen acai, 1/2 cup frozen blueberries, 1 cup milk, 1 frozen banana, 2 tablespoons hemp protein powder, 1 teaspoon bee pollen, 1 teaspoon flax seed, 1/2 teaspoon vanilla essence, pinch of sea salt.
9. Circle of Excellence exercise.
10. (optional) 1 hour of business or self-development reading.
11. (optional) 30 minutes of language learning.
12. (optional) 30 minutes of neural net training in some skill.
13. Most important business task of the day.

Thomas also worked with us on individual aspects and issues that we had. For me it was better understanding my issues with emotional openness and emotional connect. What I found was that my issue is not so much emotional openness, it’s more that I tend to strip out emotions from memories very quickly, and file them away without emotions attached.

Thomas showed me how to reverse the process of emotional nullification that I use, and how to use it to open up emotions in select memories and in the present. I’ve been playing with it and it is pretty fucking cool. As with most things, this is an ability that I will craft and use over time, and get better at controlling. If there was one single thing that I walk away from Rockstar grateful for, it is this.

We spent the early evening working on some business and game tasks and then… all of a sudden, there’s a knock on my hotel door. It’s Micha. And Vishal. WTF.

He’s back. And he brought his Porsche.

We hop in and go in search of food. We end up in Leceister Square eating Mexican food, and driving to South London to drop Micha off at his girl’s house. This is where it gets weird. We were stopped just outside where we were dropping off Micha by the police (for “erratic driving”). They pulled each of us aside and started asking questions… it was pretty funny to watch. Studying social dynamics and pickup gives you a unique insight into human communication – you start to recognise things that people do in specific contexts, and how you may do similar things to others where you are navigating through an interaction. For example, the police officer kept on trying to use state break questions on us. Multiple times. Unsuccessfully. It was kinda funny to see them all talk to each other afterwards and be like “WTF we didn’t charge them for anything?”

And so ended Monday night.

Tuesday
The last official day of Project Rockstar.

We started with a morning session on inner game with Magnus. He covered a model that he created that leads to acceptance of self and alignment across multiple levels.

We then had closing talks with Mr M, Dr Yen, Bugsy and Freedom of Speech. Mr M plugged in some gaps in our phone/text game knowledge, and day 2 and SCM knowledge. Dr Yen and Freedom of Speech gave us some ideas about how to take what we had learnt in Rockstar and integrate it into our lives moving forward. Personally, I am fucking excited and can’t wait to get the chance to start sitting down and formulating my goals and plans for the next couple of years.

And of course… to end it all off, we ended up at a strip club. This was my *first ever* time to a strip club. It was actually a pretty neutral experience (as you would expect from me no less). I wasn’t overly impressed, or overly unimpressed – it just simply was. Watching Mr M, Freedom and Vishal run verbal game on the strippers though was fucking amazing. These guys are phenomenal at it, and I think it’s something I’d like to look more into in the future. I did have a huge realisation though (again, as you would expect from me). I now understand what it feels like to be on the receiving end of an interaction where the person who is talking to you is not being genuine but is saying all the right things. Over the course of Rockstar, I’ve approached multiple girls and lied through my teeth because I was vetoed into set or doing a demo or whatnot. As we got closer to the end of Rockstar, I found that I just wasn’t able to do it anymore – it really ate me up inside to approach someone and take value by delivering a fake compliment. Sitting there in the strip club, having strippers who are obviously bored, ask all the usual rapport questions and try to make conversation… it was fucking annoying, and really didn’t give me anything but a negative feeling. I am making a promise to myself to never do this to girls ever again.

And so ends Project Rockstar.

- Aaron P

Day 49: Recovery

Today was mostly spent in recovery from the night before.

I had a long talk with Dr Yen in the morning about the events of the night, plus a lot about my journey through Rockstar. He also shared his thoughts on his own life and where things have taken him.

I had dinner in the evening with my friend J from New Zealand – it’s been a while since I caught up with him, and it’s always great to catchup with old friends and people you’ve met as you’ve travelled around the world. We talked about life, business, game and a bunch of other stuff.

I’ve come to some realisations about the way that I live my life and about myself as human being. Here are some of those thoughts~

• Having the reference experiences of seeing good subcommunications (just hangout with Vercetti), and then believing that you have good subcommunications aligns your body and posture to actually *have* good subcommunications.
• The value of variety. I am starting to think that there is some wisdom in having different types of people in your life. An age-old concept is the idea of a mastermind – a group of likeminded people who you hang around to enrich your life. This goes with the idea that you are the average of the five people closest to you. Mr M and Braddock call this the Navy Seals concept.
  I think however, that there is a paradox here. Let me explain. Dr Yen brought back to Rockstar West a girl from Torture Gardens last night. She is 35 and beautiful, but from speaking with her while we were all hanging out at Rockstar West and over the 5pm breakfast we all had, there is nothing in the “value” aspect of her life. This is not to demean her as a person, but it just goes against the grain of normal societal development that someone at her age and position in life, should have a more set path, or at least some form of direction.
  But speaking as someone whose life has an extreme amount of direction and purpose, I think that there is something there that I could appreciate, and that there *is* some sort of value in having people who are what I would consider wild, or crazy, or disorganised, or simply *different* from the usual people I hang out with in my life. They have a different sort of energy about them, and it adds variety, it gives me perspective, and it allows me to appreciate the different aspects of life more.
  Some more examples would probably work here. Dr Yen was talking about how he has a plan to visit the top fifty diving spots around the world, because it is something that he simply enjoys. This is something I would never have considered before. Micha mentioned somewhere the times in his life where he just went out with his friends from his hometown and had fun – for days on end. This is something that I never experienced in my own life. The girl that Yen brought back mentioned something about spending time travelling and just hanging out with friends playing guitar for weeks at a time. These are all experiences that I would never consider an “efficient” use of time, and would probably never consider in my everyday logical train of thought. But the fact that they provoke an emotional reaction within me, tells me that there is value there. And that there is therefore value in having people with a different perspective and way of living life around me. And I don’t even really like to use the word “value” – perhaps a better way of describing it, is that both my life and these other people’s are enriched by there being some form of relationship between us.
• People are fucked up. I’m starting to accept this idea more and more now. Everyone. Is. Fucked. Up. Including me. We are all just fucked up in different ways.
• Finding the one thing about someone that makes them amazing. This is something that Paladin (http://www.organicseduction.com/) said to me. And I have been trying to find it truer and truer in my own life – only now am I starting to see how this can dramatically improve my relationships with others and my social skills in general.
• Happiness is a myth. This one is deep. And it’s something that I realised while I was talking with my friend J. I realised that I’ve been living my life for the past year or so in what I perceive as happiness – but it’s not true happiness. It’s more like an elevated baseline state with no highs or lows. This is similar to the way that Mr M describes his everyday life. We were discussing what true happiness actually is, and this is what we came up with. True happiness, is living a simple life, like that of a monk, in seclusion. That is one expression, and one that I have considered for myself a number of times. It could also be the path that Eckhart Tolle took for a period of time, which was being homeless and just enjoying his days wandering from park bench to park bench. The third alternative is a little more macabre – it is death itself. I am starting to believe that people who do anything in their lives – whether it’s Eckhart Tolle teaching spirituality now, or myself pursuing my business goals and passions, do it from a place where there is not 100% happiness in our lives. There is something that we feel is missing, or incomplete, or just not right with our lives and the world. For if we were fully 100% happy, then there would be no further need to do anything. For me, this single realisation is *huge*. It is the first step I believe in self-acceptance of who I currently am – and surprisingly, I am fine with it. Accepting and realising this is the first step towards evolving to the next level.
• Life is full of paradoxes. Concepts from David Deida or RSD like “your path and purpose is more important than any relationships in your life” are great in theory. And I tried to subscribe to them for a while – but it’s hard. Especially when my path and purpose involves relating to others. This creates a paradox – I have the choice to believe in either belief at different times. This is difficult especially if your brain is wired to be logical the way that mine is. But being able to think in and live with paradoxes is a skill. It is a type of neural net, and one that I need to train more.

Sticking Points

Outer Game

• Verbal Game – attraction. Teasing and Sexual talk neural net training. Practice attraction via scenarios. Practice asshole game via scenarios and in-field.
• Verbal Game – vibing, qualification. Practice via scenarios.
• Verbal Game – sexual hoops (including SOIs). Finish going over Mr M’s talk, list them out, use them in both off-field and in-field.
• Logistical Escalation. Practice in-field.
• Physical Escalation. Practice in-field.
• Takeaways. Practice in-field.
• Delivery. Practice in-field.

Inner Game

• Logistical Escalation. Practice in-field.
• Identity & Beliefs. I am starting to understand more that all people (including me) are fucked up, and that we all have some parts of our lives that are amazing, and that we are able to contribute to others. Adopting the belief of “I may fuck this up, but let’s joust.” Realising that you only need to score 30/100 to pick up. No need to aim for 92/100. Realising that acceptance is contextual, and that I don’t really need to care about others’ acceptance of me, and that it’s more about my acceptance of them for who they are. Killing the belief of “if people don’t accept me, fuck them.”
• Capitalising on reads in real-time (this is a behaviour-level change). Needs more exploration. Still not automatically doing this in set.
• Boundary function.
• Self-image. Frustration as something I have overcome and will continue to push through. Realising that there’s nothing wrong with me, and that my greatest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses. I have completed more work on warmth and connection – and understanding that people are fucked up will help with this. Realising that my baseline state is nothingness and just relating with others, and that there is nothing wrong with living a life that is not 100% happiness. Seeing self as having fun when going out, and being someone who enhances the social situation. Creating the social instigator part in myself. The Alex Lesson.
• Behaviour. Learning to present different parts of me to different people. Learning to wield emotions via logic. Listening to the weird shit others say and trying it, without judgement.
• Emotional Management. Letting loose on emotional block points. Revelling in darkness and dominance, and the ability to play with my own and others’ minds. Ingrain idea that opening up emotionally will give me an enhanced ability to access the social sphere.
• Capabilities. Ability to see primal parts in others. Ability to recognise that in some areas of my life I need others to help me grow.
• Intent. Push more on this.

- Aaron P

Days 44-46: The Council, Comedy and It’s Time To Be An Asshole

This is going to be a long and content-heavy post. Enjoy

Tuesday

Spent most of the day preparing with Aidan Killian (http://www.laughoutloud.ie/) for standup.

Nighttime was our second London Council meeting. We all sat there for about an hour each, while our various instructors gave us feedback on the gaps in our game, where we were, how far we had come and where we needed to go.

Alex and Micha both received phenomenal feedback from the Council. I was… a bit more complicated. In the post I was going to publish on Monday about my thoughts on Project Rockstar, I had written that out of all the Rockstars, I felt that my game had improved the least. I am yet to reach a moment where everything just “clicks” for me, and there was apparently quite a bit of debate amongst the Council as to what to tell me, or how to advise me or guide me towards improving my game.

All the feedback is specific to me, but there is some good advice in this~

• Learning Game. Rockstar is just the opening credits to the movie of my life. Consider game and social skills as a subset of the skills required to do business. Approach only when you feel like approaching (nightgame). Daygame is just about skillset acquisition and a numbers game.
• Self-Concept stuff. Your greatest strengths are also your greatest weaknesses. This is a paradox, and for me, working it out is presenting different parts of my personality in different contexts. Frustration is a human process, one that I have conquered in the past, and one that I just need to trust in myself to overcome in the present (with game). More work on warmth and emotional connect. Wield emotions via logic, rather than trying to force emotions out (see emotions as a separate progression track to be inserted into attraction, qualification, comfort etc, and in that moment unleash the emotion and turn off the intellect). Have fun when going out. When going out, just have fun rather than feel the need to approach, approach, approach. See self as a social and fun person, and someone who enhances the social situation, and someone who people have fun around. Self-reliance – great but learn how to vary the behaviour.
• Parts of Others (NLP concept). Create an understanding that others have things they can contribute to my life. Realise that everyone has something amazing about their life. Accept that people are fucked up… probably more than I am. Look for the parts that are golden and learn from them. See others’ primal parts. Listen, and try the weird shit that others say and do, but have no feedback loop when doing so. Create a new part that is the social instigator.
• Taking chances. Be willing to fuck up. Go skydiving. Let’s joust attitude.
• Emotional Expression. Wielding emotions through logic. Find the point of emotional blockage and let it loose at times. Revel in my ability to play with my own mind, the minds of others and the darkness and dominance. Consider that opening up emotionally will give me an enhanced ability to access the social sphere. Consider taking a David Deida course or AMP or something.
• The Alex Lesson. Knowing when to be intellectual and when to be in the moment. Being happy with where you currently are lets you evolve to the next level.
• Acceptance. Acceptance is contextual – others’ acceptance of me is irrelevant, it’s my acceptance of them that counts. Kill the belief of “if people don’t accept me, fuck them.”
• Needing Others. This is the hardest feedback point for me to take in. But it is sometimes necessary to have others around you who accept you for who you are and who help you grow as a person. Navy Seals / Delta Force concept.

Wednesday

We spent all day with Aidan preparing for the Rockstar comedy night. And it was well worth it… all of us performed extremely well, and I’m really happy that Adam (you bastard!) and Mr M insisted that we push forward with the standup training.

There will be videos up on youtube of the whole night, but for now, here are some of the things that I’ve taken away from the ten hours or so of training we’ve had with Aidan and Sasha.

Differences in comedy – standup will make your routines punchier and hit harder. Improv improves your ability to vibe on the spot. They are two completely different skillsets.

Applying standup structure to routines. There is a process for this, roughly:

1. Get a friend or a group of friends to listen to you.
2. Stand up, and start talking about a topic or an event or a story from your life. Make sure you record it.
3. After saying it once, say it again, cutting out all descriptive and unnecessary detail from the story.
4. Figure out which details belong in the setup, and which belong in the punch. It’s even better if you have multiple punches with each being the setup for the next punch. i.e., work out what your jokes are.
5. Work out the emotional progression through the routine. Where are you supposed to be excited, where are you supposed to be dejected, where are you supposed to be sad.
6. Piece the routine back together with proper setup and transitions, adding in more detail and having the proper delivery (including pauses and laughter points).
7. Repeat back to your friends to see where the laugh points are and to see if it is genuinely funny.

Standup delivery. There’s a lot to owning the stage, making eye contact with the audience, with handling a microphone properly and being still and using proper hand gestures to enhance delivery. Doing standup for this alone is great – it shows you very specifically how to hold court in large groups.

Thursday

We did daygame with Alex Sergeant in town. I was really not feeling it. I was actually just pretty content to walk around and enjoy London for a change. The couple of sets Micha vetoed me on I approached… lied through my teeth, and the girls gave me this look of “thanks, but I know you don’t really mean it” haha.

We then heard a talk on Mr M on sexual hoops, physical escalation and other advanced stuff. We also heard from Freedom of Speech about state triggers and the “parting the seas” concept. I don’t have notes on this yet but when I compile them I’ll put up some of the takeaways in a future blog post.

Nightgame was with Paladin. I really wasn’t in the mood to do anything. I just decided to chill, have fun and be an asshole.

Did not open any sets. The other guys were up for it, so I let them do their thing. I was pretty content to just chill out in the club, and talk about inner game and Rockstar with Paladin.

I ended up somehow winging Micha in a set. I just did not fucking care how the set went. This was the lesson from the council, of not caring about others’ acceptance and just accepting who they are, no matter how fucked up they may seem. So I said what was on my mind, and how I was feeling at the time.

Micha: Hey this is my friend A.

Me: Hi, what are your names.

Half-Asian Natalie: Natalie.

Blonde Natalie: Natalie.

I start talking to half-Asian Natalie.

Natalie: Where are you from?

Me: Guess.

Natalie: South Korea? Japan? Thailand?

Me: You’re such a fucking racist.

Natalie: Nooooo!!! I’m not… I’m the last person to be a racist, I’m half Thai (she was really apologetic in saying this haha).

Me: (in Thai) So you speak Thai.

Natalie: Yeah!

Me: Where are you girls from.

Natalie: Germany.

Me: You speak pretty good English for German girls.

Natalie: OMG, thank you!

Me: (thinking WTF – end up telling her a bit about Thailand).

Natalie: (tells me about Thailand)

Me: What do you do here in London.

Natalie: I study international business management.

Me: Fuck, not another one of you. And in London. This city is fucking cold and miserable. I’m getting ready to leave.

Natalie: What?!?

Me: Yeah, I’ve had enough of you.

Natalie: What? I’m sorry, I’m not racist.

Me: (thinking WTF – big takeway and turn around)

Natalie: (grabs my arm, turns me back around) Who are you? (steps back and checks me out head to toe).

Me: I’m popular.

Natialie: (grabs my necklace) Ohhh… Armani… I guess you are popular.

Me: (thinking WTF) Yeah.

At this point Micha turned to me and indicated he was bored and wanted to leave. So we left. The next thing I could have said would have been “Look. I’m not a sausage with feet OK. I have feelings too.” or something to that effect.

Despite having a super-chill night and not really doing anything, I had more fun tonight than on any other night in the past week. And hey, it’s fun to be an asshole sometimes and just not give a shit about what happens to a set. I think I’m going to make a commitment to myself to do this for the rest of Rockstar – take happy asshole game to the extreme and just work it. I’ve been struggling to find the motivation to go out or approach or even wing… but after tonight, I have some of that back. This is gonna be fun.

Sticking Points

Outer Game

• Verbal Game – attraction. Teasing and Sexual talk neural net training. Practice attraction via scenarios. Practice asshole game via scenarios and in-field.
• Verbal Game – vibing, qualification. Practice via scenarios.
• Verbal Game – sexual hoops (including SOIs). Go over Mr M’s talk, list them out, use them in both off-field and in-field.
• Logistical Escalation.
• Physical Escalation.
• Takeaways. I’m getting better at this. Practice in-field.
• Delivery. Practice in-field.

Inner Game

• Logistical Escalation.
• Identity & Beliefs. Understanding that others are fucked up and that they all have some amazing part of their life, and something to contribute to mine. Adopting the belief of “I may fuck this up, but let’s joust.” Realising that you only need to score 30/100 to pick up. No need to aim for 92/100. Realising that acceptance is contextual, and that I don’t really need to care about others’ acceptance of me, and that it’s more about my acceptance of them for who they are. Killing the belief of “if people don’t accept me, fuck them.”
• Capitalising on reads in real-time (this is a behaviour-level change). Needs more exploration. Still not automatically doing this in set.
• Boundary function.
• Self-image. Frustration as something I have overcome and will continue to push through. Realising that there’s nothing wrong with me, and that my greatest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses. More work on warmth and emotional connection. Seeing self as having fun when going out, and being someone who enhances the social situation. Creating the social instigator part in myself. The Alex Lesson.
• Behaviour. Learning to present different parts of me to different people. Learning to wield emotions via logic. Listening to the weird shit others say and trying it, without judgement.
• Emotional Management. Letting loose on emotional block points. Revelling in darkness and dominance, and the ability to play with my own and others’ minds. Ingrain idea that opening up emotionally will give me an enhanced ability to access the social sphere.
• Capabilities. Ability to see primal parts in others. Ability to recognise that in some areas of my life I need others to help me grow.
• Intent. Finding it fucking hard to fake this. But I will keep pushing.

- Aaron P

Day 42: My head hurts

Day

Did some approach coaching for the LSS bootcamp daygame portion – these guys have balls

Again, I’m going to keep the “what” of the day short.

Thoughts

I did some more thinking today. I usually don’t have issues that take me more than a day to resolve – the fact that these two-to-three things are constantly being processed in my head is just plain distracting, but at the same time it means that deep-level changes are underway. It’s the David Deida concept of being lost for a portion of time while you try to find where you are going.

At the moment, the most conscious expression I can think of with this is the reconciliation of two opposing ideas. The first is the idea that making large changes in your life requires an initial emotional kick and momentum, but that eventually you need to revert to a reason why. This goes against the second, which was introduced to me by Jamie Salad during the NLP talk that you can simply do what you want in your life for no reason other than you wanting to.

I also talked to the other Rockstars more about emotional tipping points. Micha mentioned that for him, it was something akin to a build up of fury and emotions that propels him forward into the next set. Josh said that it is the moment where you can let go of conscious effort and just trust in yourself to deliver. I’m going to keep those thoughts in the back of my mind as we finish up with Project Rockstar.

A more conscious management tool for this is fooling yourself emotionally and create the reality within an interaction that you really like someone. This is something that a lot of people do naturally to a certain degree (I guess the Community would call this oneitis). For me this does not happen and while it is great in some ways it is also problematic. Before I used to be able to force myself to approach a girl who fits all the social connotations of hot and run the set… but now I feel like I’m putting on an act and that is coming across in my subcommunications. I don’t really know what the solution to this is, but Mr M has said that we’ll discuss it at some point.

The last thought I had for the day ties back to the notion of doing what you want in your life for no reason whatsoever other than you wanting to. The more I think about this, the scarier a concept it is – it is the complete removal of rational backing and guidance behind one’s actions, and almost like leaving the future of things up to one’s whims and emotions. At the same time though, I can see and am beginning to feel that it is a liberating idea – having the ability to weave through the social world simply because you have the freedom to do what you want without reason and simply because you want to. This is definitely something I want to explore more.

- Aaron P

Day 41: Deep Thoughts

Day

Today was day 2 of the LSS Bootcamp. We joined the guys there for the infield session of daygame and 5.0′s talk on teasing. I then had dinner with Josh and 5.0 before taking a quick nap and heading out for infield with the LSS guys.

I’m going to keep the “what happened” at that as the what of the day was mostly outweighed by more about what I was thinking throughout the day and night, especially after a couple of eyeopening conversations I had with Josh and 5.0.

Thoughts

There are a couple of things that I’ve been thinking about recently, and they’ve had a huge emotional weight on me (yes, apparently I do get affected by emotions too )

The first is the question of: what do I want out of this? For someone who’s spent the past six weeks infield, listening to lectures and everything about pickup and social interactions, I find it somewhat ironic that I don’t think I truly know what I want. In the past I’ve just said “mastery”, but I’m feeling more and more that I’m using that as a blanket-answer for something deeper. If it was mastery alone that I was after, then I should have no problem hitting on girls I’m not attracted to. But I do have a problem with doing that. It doesn’t feel genuine, and it certainly doesn’t make me feel good or that I’m bringing value to anyone in doing so. 5.0 said something interesting to Josh and I today: he wants many things, and he has accepted that no one single girl can provide all those things. And so he has many girls, each of whom fulfills a different role and want in his life. For some reason it was a “oh yeah” moment for me to hear that. I guess it really brought back into focus that at the moment, it feels like I’m swimming blind. It’s something of a strange bind that I find myself in. For most guys, they start out not knowing what they want yet they have enough of a sexual drive and the need to sleep with a lot of girls (whether this is biological or begins as a validation-of-ego), and through that process they find what they like and want. For whatever reason I don’t have that, and everything I’ve done so far has really been carried on a very conscious decision and drive that I want to improve this area of my life.

The second is related to the first. It’s the issue of motivation. I’m still reconciling the idea in my mind that people can do things simply because they want to – that there need not be a reason behind one’s actions at all. This goes against all the self-help and motivational advice, and even societal conditioning, that I have experienced in my life. It is a hard idea to swallow, yet I am trying, and feeling lost in the process. More and more, I go out, I see women that my logical brain recognises as “oh, society sees her as attractive” and yet I don’t feel drawn. I don’t feel excited. I feel that the interactions I am having are forced, and very much “I’m doing this because I should be”, not because I truly want to.

The third, of course, is related to the prior two. And it is the notion of an emotional tipping point. If you hear the stories of various people in the Community they all have one thing in common – some emotional tipping point where their mind goes “that’s it, enough is enough” and they find themselves filled with the motivation and drive to truly change. For some it is an almost instinctive response that sets their life and course on a certain path. For others it is a sense that everything has just clicked into place and that the path forward lies clearly in front of them. This has yet to happen to me. Despite knowing that this is something I can work on in my life, and actively working on it for a good period of time, I cannot think of a real reference experience where everything has just fallen into place because of it. I am wondering if this is a result of not pushing myself hard enough, or perhaps it is because I don’t know what I truly want in this part of my life, or maybe it’s just a matter of “more time is needed”.

I usually am able to work out most game-related issues that I’ve had. But the three above puzzle me. Perhaps they will resolve themselves given time. Perhaps I need some advice. But at the moment, they have me thinking deeply.

No sticking point stuff today.

- Aaron P

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